To put it simply, I'm saying goodbye to the blog for a while.
I don't know how long for, maybe just a month or so but as of today this will be the last new post to be published for a little bit.
I've been asked why, that people will miss my posts and been surprised at the response when I posted the announcement on Facebook because it's very rare I get any comments or responses from anyone at all lately.For my response as to why, I want to finally spill my 'life story' so to speak. I have mentioned I would post about my troubles for a while but I've never gotten round to publishing the negativity yet.
(Also, before anyone makes any horrible, sarcastic, or whatever comments - I know there are people alot worse off than me and I am grateful for what I have.)
It eventually eased off a bit but then I met 'he who must not be named'. I wish I had listened to the person who was my only real friend to begin with when she told me she didn't like him, but I guess you have to make your own mistakes! It started off okay, like any teenage relationship apart from the fact we had to keep it a secret. Now I realize it's because he was ashamed of me. We left school and it became less of a deal if people knew, we went on trips and holidays abroad together, we worked, had money and pretty much lived together. But all the while I was put down everyday, told I'd never find anyone better than him, made to act like his slave and eventually hit.
I'm not gonna play innocent, I hit back a couple times. But when you're Grandfather has just passed away you want comforting when crying, not punched and knocked down.
Safe to say I finally got away from that too, but I had to leave my home town and my job because of him.
I told my Mam and Dad I was moving out of my family's and staying with a friend until Jake and I could get a flat together. Little did I know it would only take a week! It was brilliant apart from constantly worrying about money. I proved to my parents I could do it though and they along with Jake have grown to be my best friends and biggest supports. We were in Blyth for a year and 7 months. Then because our tenancy was coming up in the next couple months and the damp that had developed in the back staircase was making me ill, we started looking for a new place. Completely hopeless hunt that was! DSS and pets?! No way all the estate agents told us, one even reducing me to tears.
With what happened to me in school and afterwards I have grown to be stronger and am a total different person to back then, however I still do not like confrontation, cry easily and just want a quiet life where people leave me alone. Jake and I can count our friends on one hand and with not drinking or going out we do not socialize and like how we keep ourselves to ourselves.
I've swept it all under the rug and just forgotten about everything, well tired to, but sometimes it all comes crashing down on you and you just need to have a cry. Constant bad luck even with the simplest things along with everything else, it all got too much the other night and so I decided to have a break from the blog to make myself feel happier in life before forcing myself to stick to my schedule, publishing sub-par posts which I think they have been recently. It feels I put all my time and energy into researching, photographing, writing, posting and advertising new posts but never have much response which makes me wonder why if it's worth doing it.
Thank you for understanding and for those who do support me, especially:
My Mam, Dad and Nana.
and anyone else who regularly reads and comments.
Be back soon....